By Spring term 2021, I knew that I would probably end up homeless. I am a gendervoid and pansexual human that everyone sees as a woman, my family in particular. I came out to them in September 2019, when I was safely away from them and living on the PSU campus. They did not take it well… I had been in the closet, living with them for four years, while trying to complete my undergrad. The whole time I was living with them, I was terrified that they’d find me out and I would end up homeless. I could not go back and live with my family, even if it meant being homeless. My school cohort was my only real support system or family. COVID affected each of us differently. By the time I needed help with housing, I did not feel like any of them would be there for me. I knew this because people stopped checking in…my phone barely ever made a noise anymore…even though most of them knew I had no place to live. I felt exceedingly alone. I was starting to get panic attacks every day; it was hard to sleep; my PTSD flashbacks increased in volume and intensity; my physical pain skyrocketed; I experience ADHD and even Ritalin couldn’t help me focus my mind; my suicidal ideation peaked; and I became the most dysfunctional I have ever been in my life. 

I started to run out of money and couldn’t afford more school loans. By the time I needed to leave campus, I had my car and a quarter tank of gas. I asked my brother to Venmo me some money and all he said was “sorry, I have a flip phone now.” So, I started taking food delivery very seriously. I figured out how to make enough money and provide for myself. I just drove all night so that I would not get in trouble for sleeping in my car or parking for too long. It was hard because I did not get much sleep during the day. After a while I was so tired—chronically—that I was not able to drive very well. I almost got into multiple crashes and fell asleep driving a lot.  I got into this program called Safe Parking via an organization called Just Compassion. They gave me a place to park and sleep in my car. There was a plastic outhouse and a small storage pod, too. I spent my summer working as a DoorDash driver. It was not a fun time, but it was better than living in the parking garage or crashing my car. 

The day before I moved into the Landing, I was on I-5 South, waiting for someone to fix a flat tire when I became the victim of a hit-and-run. My back was hurt and my car was totaled, but I am so fortunate to be at The Landing. Oddly, the timing was perfect. I am trying to put myself back together after this past year and a half. Compared to this summer, I do not even feel like I am homeless. It is a dynamic difference. I am very grateful. The Landing has been the most helpful service I have used, across the board.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have the kind of support that I had been needing—well before I actually became a homeless person. It just wasn’t available to me back then.