A Simple Change of Heart

“Courage doesn’t always shout but whispers and reminds, when we get up one more morning and we try another time.” - Carrie Newcomer, “A Simple Change of Heart” 
 
I’ve been using up all my courage recently. Courage to do new-to-me things; courage to try something that’s never been done before; courage to say hard things that need to be said. I’m tired of using all my courage. I’m reminded that courage is sometimes that voice that says, “I will try again tomorrow.” And try again tomorrow I do, working always toward being a little better tomorrow than I was yesterday. 
 
Sometimes trying again tomorrow is the hardest part. A few weeks ago Katelyn and I decided that we would move forward with divorce. We had reached a place where we felt we could no longer try again in the ways that had worked before, and the best trying that we could do was to move in separate directions. In the time since we have worked out who would live where, where Addie will be and when, and how we will separate equitably and amicably. Navigating this has taken so.much.courage. 
 
Friends, it’s been really hard. 
 
Katelyn and I had this conversation the week before we as a church started our last sermon series about peace, which felt a little like a cruel joke. How can I sit with peace when my life is falling apart? But sit with it I did. 
 
“I feel something has shifted; I know the story’s changed. In the window of a crisis we can build a better frame.” - Carrie Newcomer, “A Simple Change of Heart” 
 
Something big has shifted in my life. I’m learning how to be a single working mom to a fully three-year-old toddler. I’m learning who I am apart from Katelyn. I’m learning the appropriate ways to be vulnerable with a community that I already care deeply about. After nearly a decade in relationship with Katelyn, I am writing a new story for myself. 
 
What does this mean? 
 
You won’t be seeing Katelyn much anymore, if you see her at all. She, too, is figuring out what these things mean for her life. I still love her deeply; we just don’t share a life together any longer. 
 
You will still be seeing Addie. She will be here with me every other week, and we will come together for coffee hour snacks (the best part of her Sunday!). You have already loved her so fiercely and I can’t wait to see how you continue to support her as she grows in her faith and trust of a new community. 
 
And, of course, you will still be seeing me! I will be here my regular hours, Sundays – Thursdays, engaging in the ministries entrusted to me. I may be taking some days off here and there to attend to family matters, but those will all be worked out with Pastor Karyn and be a part of my yearly allotted vacation time. 
 
How can we support you? 
 
What an excellent question! By very nature of our working relationship together, you are each a strong part of my support system. I also have therapists, close friends, and family on whom I can lean during this time of my life. 
 
You are welcome to check in with me to see how things are going. I probably won’t share too much, but it’s nice to know people are thinking about us. Pastors Karyn and Dylan will check in with me regularly as well, and we will work as a team to make sure that each of us is supported in the ways we need to be supported. 
 
Saying “I’m sorry,” “This must be so hard,” and “We’re here to support you” goes a long way. Saying “It’ll get better” is not very helpful. Reminding me that we have done hard things before, and we will do hard things again, and that this is just another hard thing is what may help the most. 
 
If you’re a tangible person, things like gift cards for restaurants or grocery stores are the most helpful. Addie and I are entering a time of great transition and sometimes it’s nice to not have to think about what’s for dinner. 
 
What’s next? 
 
We keep growing together. Even though my story has changed, and even though I feel like I’ve used up all my courage and vulnerability in the last few weeks, I am still your Pastor of Discipleship and Outreach with big ideas about what we can do together. I still have God’s call on my life beckoning me to be a part of something bigger than myself. 
 
We keep learning together. We keep learning how to be vulnerable together, learning how to write our stories so that they intertwine, learning where we are most connected. Human beings are hardwired for connection and together we will strengthen those connections. 
 
We keep being the Church. Even when life is messy, we keep being the Church. Even when life is hard, we keep being the Church. Even when life feels upside down, we keep being the Church. We keep loving one another. We keep caring for one another. We keep lifting one another up in our struggles and in our joys. 
 
Most importantly, we remember that together we can do hard things. 
 
Yours in Community, 
 
Rev. Rachel